Murder or not?

Pro life , Pro choice, anti abortion...Where ever your stand, when does life really start? A recent email discussion of Upex mail list, centers around the thought that birth control and abortion are both forms of "Murder". The dictionary states mur-der n. The crime of unlawfully killing a person. Slang something very dangerous, difficult, or uncomfortable. v. to kill a person unlawfully and with malice. Lets begin with the first part (killing a person) , this being the case , then birth control of any type can not be "murder" because till life is actually formed a person does not exist! At this point then we are left only with the decision of when life actually begins? I suppose abortion could be termed as "with malice" , but in many cases it is for medical reasons, and the eventual health of the birthing mother. For many whom struggle with their own moral issues , this is where the "dangerous, difficult, and uncomfortable " part comes into it all. Religion is suppose to instill morality and give one security , if you believe in a "divine" plan or being , looking over your life and steering your journey in the right direction...For me and many others seeing is believing, and being responsible for our own direction, knowing our path may not be that of the masses.