Resolutions

Not this year, I have no resolutions or expectations. No goals to reach on the horizon.
 Though I am glad 2013 has past , I do not look forward to school starting again after the break.

Lost is the fire and anticipation of the future and all the possibilities 2014 may hold.
So here we are!

The Endless Wait

Been almost a week since third quarter finals!
And still waiting for grades to be posted, The new quarter starts in 4 days . Two weeks on then three weeks off..

Thanks Giving

  In years past this list was always longer, but the times have changed.  Gone is prosperity, the "Affordable Care Act" has seen to the fact that what once was a tiered society has become the haves and us who have not.  The middle class which  we fell out of years ago has ceased to exist.  Gone is the youth I had not totally squandered. So this year I am thankful for the friends and family I have left. And perhaps the years I may yet survive!

3rd Quarter

Just one week away till the third quarter starts, and then the half way point.   Next will come paper work for extending my education towards the next degree....

Self induced stress

You just never know , stressing over tests has always been something that has affected me .
  As yet , something I have not figured out how to overcome..   I did better on the mid terms than expected..  I have the opportunity to retake the math mid term so perhaps I can improve my grades be fore the end of the quarter...Yeah!!

Random Thoughts

actually my mind is very blank right now!
not sure if it is waiting for what comes next , or just lost in oblivion.

Mid Terms

OK the first mid term for Math went horribly , my mind went blank and studying made things worse!

Hopefully the other two this week will be more successful   outcomes.

Thankfully the rest of the work I turn in  keeps my grade point average up....

When I get through this quarter I will need a break!!

Summer Quarter

So the first week of summer quarter has began, and only 2 of us showed up for study group.
 Having classes nightly has lead me to become unemployed again, but only temporarily till a new weekend job starts.

This should take the load off being in class and getting assignments done, getting up at 4 am to go to work 
wore me out mentally.

Hopefully I can keep my 4.0 GPA  through this quarter...

Fathers Day

Just two days left  then the new quarter begins. If only less of it was spent being ill and trying to accumulate to a new job (yes students need extra money for stuff too)..

 But on subject my Father has been my biggest supporter of the direction my life is now taking. Personally I would of thought he would of preferred it happened long ago, yet is seems he was visionary enough to realize that this was my destiny all along. I don't say it publicly often enough but "I Love you DAD" !  And thank you for everything.

Memorial Day 2013

This Memorial Day spent in remembrance of those who gave their lives for our country's freedom.

But also in remembrance of my mother in law Jeri whom I had become close too , and the passing of my younger brother Anthony

 Silenced by the pain and anguish there is just no way to describe how this day has affected me forever

I am long passed the stage of dwelling on my own remaining time in this life, its a fate I have accepted !

The part not accepted is that because of my Diabetes fate is catching up with me faster than expected

Hate the path to success

? Well the truth of the matter is I really hate my college math courses . Reasoning being they remind me that I should of pursued my college education after high school and got the degree then. When the knowledge was fresh in my mind. At present it is all fuzzy because only parts were used on a regular basis, leaving the rest to fester in the dark recesses of an under-used mind.

What drives me to hate is the fact that although I stress most over math homework, and spend more time (than on homework from other courses) trying to get it done , it seems my GPA in the course goes up each week . And being one week away from finals I will get my highest GPA in this course which means probably a 3.8 GPA for the quarter.

The next  courses start in two weeks , and yes another math course on the schedule. 

Moral Code

 Is that value placed on what one perceives as right or wrong . Generally Societies Moral Code has been determined by Religion, thus making it difficult to  update to the present century without great effort!

Moral code is passed down and learned from previous generations (usually) but that is slowly changing.

Being a Senior Citizen

So I just had my 55th Birthday and they tell me I am now a senior citizen ( discounts and stuff)

My followers and interested persons my have wondered if I would ever pass on any more wisdom or just even a small rant here again. I myself wondered such! But truth be told I was just making changes in my personal life, redirecting my course so to speak.

I am now again a student , actually one enrolled in classes , not just a student of life . After much thought I decided to get another degree and make a bold step in another direction.

Perhaps long over due but the truth is "Who I am" is not who I wanted to be so change was due.


I will endeavor to take back up my ranting because ? There is just too much too not be silent on , so be prepared he it comes!!

Mind Fuck

small droplets of moisture form upon your flesh

unseen by blindfolded eyes

senses heightened with anticipation

in the silence of wanting

an unspoken desire...

hovering just within the edges of perception

glistening in the light of the moment

cold hard steel, razor sharp.

will it bring pleasure or pain,

caught between ecstasy and fear

you can but wait

the flesh tears slowly peeling away side to side,

as the warm stream of life flows from deep inside..

breath escapes from lungs engorged with excitement

moment by moment passes like years of eternity..

yet.. wait could that just be your own perspiration

has it even really begun ?

Vampires, Pagans & S/M

This was sent to me , though it seems not in its entirety , though now after reading the whole thing I find it intriguing in relationship to the whole "Vampire Fetish"... S/M culture is predominantly a sexual culture. The clothing and appearance of those who are part of the genre do tend towards the sexually significant, whether that be in terms of provocative and revealing clothing made of slinky fabrics like rubber which cling to the skin, or power dressing in uniforms reminiscent of control and domination. The Mistress with her whips and chains may be a popular stereotype, but it is an image which does have validity in certain areas of S/M culture. Whilst it would be unjust to state that all sado-masochistic acts are inherently sexual in nature, it is fair to say that most contain an element which is sexually motivated. It may not be every one's idea of sex to have someone piss all over your naked body, but to some people it obviously is a turn-on. Sexuality can be expressed in any way in S/M culture, holding true to the link which we found before with the Pagan ethic of 'Do what you will, if it harm none'. If people want to be pissed on, then let them get on with it. It harms no-one else. If people want to be whipped and hung upside down from a cross then who really cares? So long as nobody is being forced into it, it shouldn't be a problem for anyone. S/M culture does in fact have very strict rules regarding the etiquette of joining a 'scene' in a club, whereby the permission of all involved – even the slaves – must be sought before involving an additional element. Although Paganism is a pacifistic religion or belief system, it is interesting that most of my respondents thought of Pagans as dominant rather than submissive. Most religions can be seen as submissive in that they are bound by traditions and rules which promise pain and torture, even damnation, if you do not toe the party line. Paganism has a stronger freedom of expression – there is no real idea of a right and wrong way to behave as codified in a bible, as right and wrong are natural concepts which we understand intrinsically. Vampires similarly are seen as dominant, though as pointed out in the first part of this feature they are also submissive to a degree, as they are dependent on their food source for their survival. Inherent predators, they are primarily dominant however, and this is the opinion of those who know and those who only view from outside the crypt! The key sexual link which all three possess is in the idea of taboo. Some respondents report that their S/M activities are something they keep well hidden from family and 'normal' friends; likewise with many Pagans they feel it is something which non-Pagans would find disturbing or offensive. As regards vampires, this is usually seen as a joke and laughed off. In some extreme cases all three fields of interest do come under fierce attack from fundamentalists who believe that anything which deviates from the monotonous path of 'normality' is evil and corrupt and that therefore followers (who they frequently see as brainwashed, and redeemable) should be lambasted in the press, hounded from their jobs, home etc, have their children taken from them, and generally abused and insulted everywhere they go. This has happened with Pagans all too often, and it is also sadly a phenomenon which is growing in the S/M world as it leaves the underground and becomes more mainstream. The vampire is largely excluded because it has such a strong literary, therefore non-real and less threatening, persona – we are relatively safe from attack because what we believe in can be scoffed at and ridiculed. The typical ignorant rubbish about blood-drinking cults and sex in coffins is usually as bad as it gets for most of us! The sad fact is that sex itself is taboo in some minds still, so it naturally follows that any 'perverted' opinion or practice – like S/M, bondage, sexual magi ck, ritual nudity, blood-letting, blood-drinking etc – is doubly taboo. Most informants confessed that there was at least one part of their three interests they felt compelled to hide. Whilst all three remained a subculture of the 'norm' this was a fairly easy thing to do, but is there a price to pay for pushing these interests into the mainstream? As Paganism becomes the fastest growing faith in the UK, as witchcraft shakes off its old associations with demonology, as S/M leaves the fetish clubs and moves into the high street, as vampirophiles become every more outrageous and decadent in their search for self-expression, is it not inevitable that we will suffer for our beliefs even more than before? For most of my informants, the idea of going openly public with their views is the final taboo. This is not to suggest that they are ashamed or afraid of what they believe in – dominance prevails in all our fields of interest, as we have sufficiently proven – but we are still so obsessed with society's image of us as freaks and weirdos that for many of us the shadows are still preferable to the spotlight. Sexuality pervades the realm of the vampire perhaps most obviously of all. S/M sexuality is something which is not for everyone. Paganism only calls those who are ready for it, and need not involve a sexual element at all. But vampirism is the ultimate expression of sex through blood. While human beings struggle to get to grips with their own mortality, vampires are free to enjoy and experience everything that the darkness has to offer. And although traditionally seen by literature as sterile, sexless, even genderless beings, the new breed of vampires are baring their fangs to a whole new world of experimentation, that of sexual vampirism. For some of us, that change has been eagerly awaited for centuries... www.angelfire.com/jazz/louxsie/vpsm2.html

Map of Human Sexuality

Find out where I've journeyed on the Map of Human Sexuality! Or get your own here!

One step forward , two steps back.

Getting a drink in Utah will no longer require the equivalent of a permission slip. Utah is the only state in the country with such a maze of liquor laws Gov. Jon Huntsman signed the most sweeping changes to the state's liquor laws in 40 years into law on Monday, eliminating a much criticized system where customers must fill out an application and pay a fee before being allowed to enter a bar."In the name of economic development and the name of travel and tourism, and so that we don't have to explain whenever a company comes into town for the first 30 minutes of our discussion why we have some of these onerous rules on the book, we're going to sign," Monday. Huntsman, who doesn't drink and isn't a member of The New Yorker, didn't have a member at the door waiting to sponsor him in and didn't fill out a temporary membership form or pay a fee on his way to signing the bill. Scores of bars have been punished with hefty fines and closures for allowing the very same thing to happen.

"In a case like today, I think everyone was sponsored by the owner," said Huntsman spokeswoman Lisa Roskelley. "But that's the kind of situation we will eliminate with the bill today."

The move is being made in an effort to make the state seem a little less odd to outsiders and boost the state's $6 billion a year tourism industry. Tourism officials have long complained that Utah's notoriously quirky liquor laws have given Colorado a competitive advantage in luring the lucrative ski and convention market. "It's always been the knock on Utah. We've got the best snow, we've got the best access, we have the nicest people. There's nothing that compares to our product. The only knock that anybody could ever come up with is that 'Your liquor laws are strange, quirky, weird,' " said Nathan Rafferty, president of Ski Utah, the ski industry's marketing arm. "Instead of putting us at a disadvantage, this levels the playing field."

The new law will also allow restaurants to take down partitions known as "Zion Curtains" that separate bartenders from customers in restaurants. Currently, bartenders or servers must walk drinks around the bar before they're allowed to serve them.

The name "Zion Curtain" is a reference to the state's religious heritage as the home of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which tells its members to abstain from alcohol.

The private club system and the Zion Curtain as they're known today got their start in 1969 after the Mormon church told its members to vote down a proposal that would have allowed the sale of liquor by the drinks in restaurants.

The church is still highly influential here and the changes to the state's liquor laws would not have happened if the church had opposed them.

As part of a compromise, the state will impose tougher DUI and underage drinking penalties. Utah will also become the first state in the country to require bars to scan the ID of anyone who appears younger than 35 before being allowed to enter.

Information obtained through the ID scan, including name, age and address, will be kept on site for seven days so it can be accessed by law enforcement, despite concerns that keeping the information is a violation of privacy.

The compromise Huntsman signed into law will also prohibit new restaurants from mixing cocktails in public view because some lawmakers are worried that children will be enticed to drink alcohol if they see it poured from bottles. The display of bottles, the serving of cocktails and their consumption will still be allowed in public view.

The Utah Restaurant Association has said the new requirement will keep many chain restaurants from opening in Utah and wants to remove it in future legislative sessions.

"We don't add to underage consumption and we're not part of the problem of over consumption," said association president Melva Sine. "So in terms of those two problems they're trying to solve, there's no purpose to that portion of the bill that says we need to hide that. There's no problem. It doesn't exist."

Huntsman has also called the requirement a step backward for the state, but agreed to it in order to make the other changes.

So here we are only 18 years behind the times rather than the usual 25 years we have been subject to for so long...

How Green Are Your Sex Toys?

Chances are you haven't thought about how your sex habits are affecting the planet — not to mention your partner.Forget hot wax and nipple clamps. The darkest and most twisted examples of sadomasochism are found under beds and in sock drawers the world over. Consider the phthalates-rich butt plug, whose toxins are slowly poisoning its user’s body via the holiest of Hollie's. Or the discarded rubber dildo, buried in a landfill and contaminating the groundwater. These instruments of pleasure may in fact be causing environmental and biological pain,`Thing is, your favorite dildo may be releasing deadly toxins into the environment. Your discarded butt plug, so small and cute and seemingly innocent, may spend several centuries in a landfill before it degrades — if it ever does. Your vibrator could be the reason for someone Else's unnaturally tiny penis. Really.And while their actual impact may be overstated—especially in comparison to other harmful, more widely used items—its not difficult to play it safe and find these same items made from more Eco-friendly (but no less user-friendly) materials, like the seaweed-based dildo created by Love Piece. Or get creative and make your own. The issue with sex toys — one of the more recent industries to be examined through a green lens — is twofold: disposal and toxicity. The first is the easier, less contentious, and somewhat more obvious issue. Since we're talking about a variety of objects often made of plastic, PVC, rubber, electronics, and other non biodegradable materials, it makes sense that concern has been raised about where sex toys end up and what happens to them when they get there. Just like water bottles and discarded train sets, sex toys made from these materials seem destined to last longer on the earth than any of us will — causing more pain in the long term than pleasure in the short term. The second issue is whether sex toys are safe for humans, both those who use them and those who may be exposed to them through the environment. The concern here is phthalates, a variety of chemicals most commonly used to soften hard plastics but also found in cosmetics, food wraps, and a number of other ubiquitous consumer goods — and until recently, often used in plastic-based sex toys. Scientists believe phthalates can have a detrimental effect on male reproductive development.

"Severe interference can involve incomplete development of the penis, undescended testicles, decreased testosterone levels," Tracey Woodruff, director of the Program on Reproductive Health and the Environment at the University of California at San Francisco.

"There can be lifelong consequences."

And are there counterarguments to all of these worries? Sure. For starters, there's always the issue of how green to go. Should you worry more about your rubber dildo — which you may keep for 10 years — than about your plastic shower curtain, which you'll throw in the landfill in three months? And as for phthalates, there are lots of different kinds — and no one is exactly sure what they do or how they do it. But if you're anything like Coyote Days, buyer for Good Vibrations, you'll figure safe is better than sorry. Days said the major sex toy retailer has decided to phase out products containing phthalates, just in case it turns out the chemicals really are as bad as scientists suspect. In particular, Days suggested replacement with silicone varieties, if you can afford them.

And if you're worried about how well a sex toy will biodegrade, you can always opt for a metal, wood, or glass variety.

In fact, if you're feeling really ambitious, you can check out the P Aqua from Love Piece, a dildo made from seaweed and water that, while solid at room temperature, can be boiled to oblivion for Earth-friendly disposal. (Though the company asks you to notify it if the dildo has a sour odor. Ew.)

Don't assume that old sex toys have to be dumped in landfill - at LoveHoney in the UK Old products are returned to us and we send them to be recycled - the plastics, metal and batteries are all recovered and used again. You can see the first tonne of vibes being recycled here and there's a video and more information on what happens to the parts...

Help save the world by sending your dead vibrators to LoveHoney Rabbit Amnesty to be recycled. Here's what happens at the recycling plant when they receive a ton of sex toys...

[link] How Sex Toys Are Recycled by Rabbit Amnesty

The evils of organized Religion

Organized religion , better known as hate mongers through out the world. Religion is behind several wars in the middle East, as well as the war against equality here with in the United States. Having something to believe in , is all well and great, be it a higher power or just oneself. But when religion starts dictating whom one can marry. Who we chose to follow or believe in, that is where the line is crossed. What has happened to personal choice? Just because some wish to follow blindly ( "sheep in the heard"), tell me why should all the rest be subject to bigoted prejudice views of religion? Who gave you the right, much less the authority to bend the rest of the world to the views of your branch of religion? A Roman Catholic priest in Brazil who defended the use of contraceptives and the rights of homosexuals has been suspended by his local archbishop. Maher al-Gohary has converted from Islam to Christianity. In spite of facing death threats, he's engaged in a legal battle to have his changed religion recognised on his official Egyptian documents. The Illinois House will begin considering another Civil Unions bill this week. Introduced by Rep. Greg Harris on February 20, HB 2234 has been assigned to the Youth and Family Committee, which will hold a hearing on Thursday. We’ve received word that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has engaged its private communications network to bombard state legislators with phone calls in opposition to the bill. A lesson from Mormon history is relevant. After being stripped of their property and persecuted because of their minority status, Mormons petitioned Missouri's lawmakers to look past their religious identity and see them simply as people who had been wronged. Were their appeals so different from requests by gay Utahans to enjoy reasonable legal protections and rights?

Abortion bills passed by House committee

In Utah's ever vigilant attempt to legislate our personal lives, and in specific women's human rights!

Two abortion bills have been passed by the House Health and Human Services Committee despite complaints from doctors that the language is vague and confusing and one of the measures is unnecessary.

One of the bills would make performing an illegal abortion a second-degree felony.

Rep. Paul Ray, R-Clearfield, sponsored the legislation. Under the bill, abortions after 20 weeks or so would only be legal only to protect the life or physical health of the mother, or in cases of a fatal fetal defect. Two physicians would have to signed off on the diagnosis.

The bill also narrows the definition of a woman's health to "irreversible impairment of a major bodily function."

An attorney for the Utah chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union said the bill could have trouble passing if it is challenged in court as unconstitutional.

HB90S1 passed the committee with a 6-1 vote. Rep. Phil Reisen, D-Holladay, was the only opponent. He said the state should be trying to stop unwanted pregnancies instead of pushing for new abortion legislation.

The committee also passed HB222, which would require doctors to offer women the option of anesthetizing their fetuses before an abortion or other in utero procedure.

"It's difficult for me to look at it from the perspective that this needs to be made as a rule. All of us have the best interest of the fetus at heart," said Dr. Robert Ball, a fetal surgeon at St. Mark's Hospital.

Missy Bird, executive director of the Planned Parenthood Action Council, said the bill tries to lay guilt on the mother before the procedure.

"Doctors need to be able to make medically accurate statements when women are trying to make a very difficult decision," she said.

Both bills move to the House floor for debate.